Some of you may remember that I have made reference to a co-worker of mine, an elderly Uruguayan man whom I have chosen to call "Ignacio" for the purpose of blogging. When we last heard from Ignacio, he was singing his own version of classic Christmas songs and Elvis tunes. Those stories were from some of my earliest interactions with Ignacio. Providentially, Ignacio has since proven to be a veritable font of humorous stories. Following are some of Ignacio's views on religion, ethnicity, entertainment, and communication.
On Christianity and Judaism:
One day, I was giving Ignacio a ride back to the office. When he lifted himself into my truck, he happened to notice an Old Testament Commentary left in the vehicle from a recent trip.
"So this is the Bible?" Ignacio said.
"No." I replied, "This is a Commentary on the Bible. El Antiguo Testamento."
"Ahh! A Commentary. You know, many years ago, I read the Bible. Do you know why?"
"Not a bit." I said.
"Is because I am thinking. If God is God, and he can do anything he want, with anybody he want... I ask, for his chosen people...Why the Jew?!?!" This last was said with audible derision.
"And do you know what I found for the answer?" continued Ignacio. "The Jew, he is no good people! But the people around the Jew is worse people! So God say to the Jew, 'Jew, you are not good people. But you must be an example to the worse people who are around the Jew.' The is why God choose the Jew! Not because he is good! No! He is bad, but maybe not so bad as the other people around the Jew!"
On the Celtic folk:
"I watch many movie, and many times I see--on the telebision--the Scotland people and the Ireland people, and I think...Is very hard, this people."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"The Scotland people, and the Ireland people...always they are drinking! Always! And many times they fight. All the Time! But they do not care! I think is very hard, this people."
On Dancing:
"Oh, I love to dance! And I am very good. I am so good at dance! I think there are not so many people who can dance like I dance. Even for the women, there are not so many women who can dance like I dance."
"My wife, she no like to dance. She say she like dance, but I think not so much. Always she is saying, 'This song too fast.' 'This song too slow' 'Too many people there are dancing.' 'Oh, not enough people are dancing.' So I think, Maybe she no like to dance."
"Now I go by myself. One night a year. In December. Many women want to dance with me, because I am so good dancer."
"When I dance, I dance so many song. Women--Oh! The women!--very beautiful they are, who want dance with me. So I dance, many song. I dance so much, my shirt, it is wet! (long pause) And my underwears."
"I dance so many song. When I am end of night to go home, the woman she say: 'That will be $225.' I dance so many song, and have drink, is $225! So I say okay, and I pay."
(Note: Apparently Latin clubs often employ women who will dance with single men for a price per dance. He was not dancing with a hooker or anything, though that did require clarification on my part.)
On The Italian People:
"They eat the spicy food. And are that thing...'La Cosa Nostra.' I think is very bad, this peoples."
On a job well done:
One day we were working, and one of the Honduran laborers, Artemio, kept looking at the work and saying something, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I decided to ask Ignacio for a translation. Ignacio listened, and offered the following:
"He say--when job is perfect--Is fit like the underwear on a fourteen year old girl!"
Naturally, we were a bit surprised by this expression. The expression was amusing enough on its own, until the following exchange between Artemio and Ignacio (translated from the Spanish.):
I: "Is good--how you say?--like underwear on eleven year old girl?"
A: "No way, man! That's disgusting! You should never talk that way about an eleven year old girl!" (long pause) "It's fourteen!"
I have some more, but I think I'll be saving those for another day.
Buenas noches, readers...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment